Why I Don't See Romantic Relationship As Romantic Anymore

Assalamualaikum and hello loveliesss~~~

Today's entry is a little bit different from what I usually write. Maybe because this hot weather give me some courage to write something that I should've write long time ago.

Who have been in lots of relationship that always end up with break up and sad ending? Who have been judged by people who said, "You're changing boyfriends like changing clothes."? Or who have been told off to stay away from their sons because you are not good enough? Or further more, who have been in the happiest relationship but one day you got a news that your boyfriend passed away? I do. Does it hurt? Yes. Does it make me angry? Of course. Does it make me want to go for revenge? Definitely.

But WAIT! Why should I feel that way? Why would I crumbled and shut myself from the world? Just because I'm a human? Well, maybe. But I realize from my first relationship which is also happen to be my first love, he once told me, "Dear, when you are ready to fall in love, you must be ready to let go or break up someday." Sounds harsh, isn't it? But actually he's right. Because after he passed away, it only took me a day to grief, which is during his funeral. The next day, I went on with my life as usual and only think about my happy memories with him.

Then, in a new relationship, my other half was caught cheating by me with one of his student. The only thing he said was, "Sorry, Naj. You weren't always there." I was a sales person and travelling to do promotion for my company was a must. I admit that I wasn't there when he asked me to go out for movies, or dinner with him because he can't go anywhere without companion. He said that people who go out alone looks depressed and pathetic. Ouch! It's good that he dumped me actually, because it made me realize that I can't have my own privacy but only with him. And that's weird because sometimes I love to have my own space to hang out with my family and friends. From that relationship, I'm started looking for someone who can respect my time'privacy to be with my family and friends once in a while, or even solo travel to find peace.

Next relationship is no different. Same cheating situation but this time he dumped me for another guy. ANOTHER GUY! My own best friend. Instead of getting angry and shouting, I was laughing hard because I have no idea that he has interest in same gender and when he dumped me for him, the first thing that I thought was, "Is that guy is HOTTER than me????" Funny how universe works to show us who is the real person amongst us. Learning from previous relationship, I started to be a cautious kind of girl and prepare for anything bad happens when your partner started to act strangely.

Then there's this guy. Met him during my trip to Tioman Island. Elegant, handsome, few years older than me. We left Tioman Island separately but managed to swap phone numbers. After just a few months dating, his mother suddenly came and attacked me with harsh words at my apartment to leave his son. Seems like those kind of thing only happens in a movie, isn't it? But it wasn't. I knew straight away that great thing happens is a fairy tale and just too good to be true. I can't spend my life with bad company. No way. So instead of shouting back at her, I just smile and said that his son is better without me or without anyone except his momma. At least I could keep my pride, and his momma can keep him. pffftt...

I went from lovey-dovey-love-is-in-the-air kind of girl to I-couldn't-care-less-what-you-think-of-me kind of woman. And during my study, that's when this one guy came to me in his I-don't-care-a shit-as-long-as-we-can-do-fun-stuff-together kind of manner. He has everything that I want in a guy. Calm, smart, problem solver, creative, funny, talkative only when he's with me, mature and childish at the right time, share high-level of sarcasm. But I know that this relationship won't go anywhere because I always prepare myself that nothing lasts forever.  So when he suddenly disappeared without a word, I have nothing to lose and wait for. So I just moved on and enjoy my life doing my arts, spending more time with holiday. Because as far as I'm concerned, I don't need to wait for someone who left me without a word.

So as I grow up and getting older, of course I was attacked with many questions such as "When are you going to introduce your man?" , "When are you getting married?" , or "Aren't you embarrassed to stay single while others already married?" , or sometimes "Do you like same gender relationship?" Lolz! Honestly, I'm not interested to look for love any more. I don't care about marriage at all, and I definitely love to spend my time as a single person and solo travel. But that doesn't mean that I hate love or marriage ideas. No, I'm not. I still celebrate love by attending wedding invitations, do bridal make ups for my friends, prepare wedding gifts for relatives.

So all I want to say is that, if you ever been in painful relationship or maybe just got away from it, chill out. There's nothing to cry about. If he left, means he left. Don't need to beg or stress over it. If he's not meant for you, means he's not meant for you. Life is hard enough. Don't make anything more complicated as it is.

Maybe some of you won't agree with my post, maybe some of you would. Or we can just agree to disagree. Anyway, good luck in finding your love. See you in my next post. Love y'all.